


Hold on to me

by powerpuff_bubbles



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Lena and Buck are besties, M/M, Post-lawsuit, Touch-Starved, you can’t tell me otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerpuff_bubbles/pseuds/powerpuff_bubbles
Summary: Prompt Request: Buddie-buck is touch starvedStarted off as a fic about Buck being touched starved but now it’s about how the 118 were assholes to Buck after the lawsuit
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 297





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BunnyCreekStyleDipTydeGregstophe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyCreekStyleDipTydeGregstophe/gifts).



Buck was tired of the isolation. Tired of going to work just to be met with glares. Tired of missing his team, his family. But mostly, he missed the touches, Eddies touch to specific. They had just started to go out when Buck filed the lawsuit. He was going to tell Eddie about it, he really was, but Bobby beat him to it. Now he won’t talk to Buck, let alone look in his direction. It’s eating away at him inside. 

Buck was in the locker room changing for his shift, lost in thought when he heard Bobby yell his name from upstairs. “Firefighter Buckley!” Quickly Buck runs to see what the issue is. “Yes captain?”

“What have you been doing all this time? You’ve been in the locker room for way too long, go get started on your chores!” With that Bobby walks away not sparing a second glance at Buck. Sighing, Buck gets to work on his chores. He’s so used to not going on calls now that he doesn’t even stop his chores, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t tense up every time the bell rings. 

By the time the team got back from their 4th call that day, Buck had already finished his chores. Bobby was just about to start lunch when the bell ring again. Buck watches as they leave. After having a small debate with himself, he decided that he’d make the team some lunch. He knows that they all aren’t on good terms right now, but maybe this will help. By the time the team made it back, Buck was starting into set the plates and forks on the table. He could hear them coming upstairs. 

“Um, Captain Nash, I hope it’s okay with you but I made you all lunch. I know you guys are probably hungry and it’s been a busy day.” Buck is messing with his fingers nervously and has to stop himself from looking down at the floor. Bobby just nods and tells the teams to start eating before they get another call. Buck doesn’t get a single thank you, from anyone. The only acknowledgement he gets is a clap on the back from Chimney. 

He sighs with a small smile before going back downstairs, deciding that he’d just work out until everyone was done eating. By the time he’s done working out, pretty much everyone is done so Buck decides to take a quick shower before going to do the dishes. As he’s walking to his locker to get his clothes, he sees Eddie standing in the doorway with his arms crossed as he glares at him. Buck starts to quickly gather his things when Eddie starts to speak. “You know this doesn’t change anything right?” Buck, dumbfounded replies, “What?”

“Don’t act dumb. You know what I’m talking about. Thinking you could just make us food because we’re too tired to actually do it and we would magically rforgive you?!” With every word Eddie gets a bit closer until he’s pressing Buck up against his locker.

“I wasn’t trying to make you guys forgive me, I was just trying to be nice.” Buck could feel his heart beating rapidly. He nearly whimpers at how close Eddie is, wishing that he would touch him. It’s becoming too overwhelming and he can feel his breathing pick up. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that Buckley?” Buck tries not to frown at the fact that his boyfriend?- ex?- just called him by his last name. “We’d all probably be better if you’d just leave.” With that Eddie shoves Buck into the locker, not to hard but enough that it hurts, before walking away.

Buck quickly rushes to the showers, turning it on and hopping in before he breaks down. Silent sobs rip through his body as he leans against the shower walls, trying to calm himself. He feels his breathing start to pick up, vision blurry. He knows he’s about to have a panic attack but can’t seem to attempt to calm down. After what feels like hours, he gathers himself together, turns off the water. Quickly he gets dressed and goes to rinse his face off, trying to hide any evidence that he’d been crying. Quietly he makes his way upstairs to gather all the dirty dishes. Hen, Bobby, Chimney, and Eddie are all up there laughing and talking. They stop as soon as they see him. 

Buck doesn’t pay them any attention. Keeping his head down, he puts his earbuds in and starts the dishes. He knows that they’re watching him. He knows that they’re talking about him. Buck wonders if they’d agree with Eddie about the fact that he isn’t welcome here. Buck almost laughs at that thought, because of course they would agree. They’ve all shown that they don’t want him here. Sighing, Buck finishes the dishes before walking over to the team.

“I’m finished with all my chores Captain Nash.” “Good, you can leave now, you’re done for the day.” Nodding, Buck leaves without another word. On the way home Buck decides he wants to get some ice cream to eat his sorrows away, because why not, so he stops by the grocery store. He’s lost in thought looking at the different flavors of ice cream when he hears someone call his name. “Buck?” He turns around and his eyes spot Lena.

He smiles softly, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, as Lena walks over. “How are you? How’s the team? I’ve been busy but I meant to come see how you all are doing.” Sighing, Buck replies, “The teams okay I guess, I could be better though…” Lena looks at him slightly worried. “What’s up? Everything okay?” she asks as she places a gently hand on his shoulder. Bucks eyes instantly fill with tears, he tries not to let them fall but a few manage to escape. “Y-yeah I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.” He tries to smile but fails as more tears stream down his face.

Lena frowns at this. “I know somethings wrong. How about this, you get some ice cream, I’ll go get some other snacks, we met at the front entrance after we pay for everything and I’ll follow you to your house so we can talk, sound like a plan?” Buck bites his lip nervously. “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose or anything.” “I’m sure, come on.” With that they quickly get what they need before leaving.

When they get to Bucks apartment, they set all the snacks on the table by the couch before getting settled. Once settled, Lena looks at Buck. She notices how tired he looks, dark circles under his eyes. And how thin he is, has he been eating? “Buck? What’s going on?” Instantly Buck begins to cry. Confused and worried, she quickly pulls him into a hug, reassuring him everything’s okay. It takes a minute but once he’s come down enough to talk, Buck starts explain everything. The lawsuit, how everything has just been horrible since he got back, how he’s not eating much and getting a lot of sleep, how the reason he started crying as soon as she touched him was because he was touch starved. Lena listens to this all in horror, her blood bubbling in rage. She waits for him to finish before she speaks up.

“They’re all assholes! How could they do that to you? The only reason you started the lawsuit was so you could get your job back!” Sighing, Buck looks down before replying, “Eddie said I was exhausting and should have just sucked it up and moved on.” “He did what now? How could he? Wait a second, I thought you two were together?”

“We are- or were. I don’t know anymore. I screwed it up. Everyone else I can handle being mad at me but Eddie? It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I fucked it all up. They’re like my family. Besides Maddie and my job, they are all I have. Now I don’t have anything. Why do people always leave me?” By the time Buck was done talking his face had tear streaks and his eyes were red and puffy. Lena pulls him back into a hug, running her fingers through his hair. 

“You’re not alone Buck, you’ve got me now okay? You still have Maddie too. You didn’t do anything wrong.” “I’m just so tired of all of this.” Buck says sleepily. Giving a soft smile Lena takes Buck by the hand and leads him upstairs to lay down. “I’m staying the night okay? I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.” As she turns around to go back downstairs, she feels a hand on her wrist. Turning around, Buck smiles at her. “Thank you Lena.” Smiling, she gives a nod in response before going back downstairs. 

When down there she puts away all the snacks and ice cream before getting situated on the couch. As she’s laying down she can’t help but think about what Buck had told her. How could the 118 do this to him? Sighing she falls asleep, thinking about how she was going to help Buck.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Lena wakes up before Buck, so she decides to make him some food. It’s clear that he needs it. Opening the fridge she isn’t surprised to see that there is barely anything there, but it does further her concern for him. Sighing she decides to just wait until he wakes up and she’ll take them out to eat. She goes back to the couch and scrolls on her phone when she gets a text from Eddie asking if she wanted to come to the station to eat breakfast with them since Bobby is cooking. She ignores it, deciding to let Buck know that he texted. 

Ten minutes or so go by when she hears footsteps coming down the stairs. At the bottom stands Buck shirtless in some sweatpants with bed hair. If Lena wasn’t gay she would totally be drooling over him right now. When Buck looks in her direction, he looks almost surprised. Deciding to ignore the weird look he was giving her, she goes on to say, “So I was going to make you breakfast but there’s barely anything in the fridge so I was think we could go get food?” Buck nods slightly. “You don’t have a shift today right?” Buck shakes his head no. “Alright good, also Eddie texted me. Asking if I wanted to come down to the station to eat breakfast with them. Of course I’m not going, but I was wondering if we could stop by on the way to get food so I could give them a piece of my mind.”

Buck gives a small smile at that. “You don’t have to Lena, it’s okay.” Lena shakes her head, “Okay but what if I really want to?” Buck let’s out a little laugh, “Well then I can’t stop you.” 

“Great, go take a shower and get dressed, I’ll wait on the couch until you’re done.” Buck nods before saying “Some of my sisters clothes are here from when she occasionally spends the night, you can shower and change to if you want?” “That’ll be great, I’ll shower after you.” Nodding, Buck walks off.

After about fifteen more minutes the pair are out the door and in Lena’s car. Before they left Lena texted Eddie saying she’ll see him soon. As they got closer to the station she noticed how nervous Buck looked. She gently grabs his hand and gives him a reassuring squeeze. She feels him squeeze her hand back. They pull up to the station when Lena turns to him, “Do you want to come inside with me or stay here?” There’s a pregnant pause before Buck answers, “I’ll come with you, there’s something I need to say to them.” Nodding Lena gets out the car and walks into the station with Buck behind her.

At first the team only sees Lena, they all smile and greet her kindly. But as soon as Buck appears they all instantly stop. Eddie is the first to speak up. “What are you doing here?” he asked while crossing his arms. Before Buck has a chance to reply, Lena does it for him. “He’s here with me. And I’m not staying, I just needed to get a few things off my chest.” The team looks at her with confusion. Taking a deep breath Lena looks at all of them before saying. “First of all, why the FUCK are y’all treating Buck this way? The lawsuit ended weeks ago. And the only reason he had to file it was because SOMEONE,” she looks at Boddy, “blindsided him.”

Bobby frowns slightly. “He wasn’t ready to come back. I-” He’s cut off by Lena, who is seething. “He wasn’t ready? He was cleared by everyone. You were the only one that didn’t think he was ready. And did you even talk to him about this? No you didn’t, so don’t you dare say he wasn’t ready when you don’t even know what he was thinking.”

Eddie steps towards Buck with his arms crossed. “So you ran to someone else to bitch about your problems again?” Lena instantly looks at Eddie. “And you! You can shut the fuck up because you aren’t any better. You were supposed to love and care for him as your boyfriend. But what did you do instead? You treated him like absolute shit.” Lena runs a hand over her face, that is now red with so much anger. “You guys were supposed to be his family, and you let him down. Hen and Chimney aren’t much better seeing as though they don’t stick up for him. Eddie you treat him like he doesn’t have feelings. And Bobby, you treat him like he’s a fucking maid or something!” She walks back over to Buck who’s looking at the ground with his arms wrapped around himself as almost to protect himself. 

“I’m sorry for all that Buck, I just had to let all that out. What did you want to tell them?” Buck gives her a sad smile before walking a little closer to the group. Lifting his head, he looks directly at Bobby before speaking. “Captain Nash, as of this moment I will no longer be working at this station.” A small gasp comes from a group but Buck can’t bring himself to care. “I’ll be transferring to the 136 with Lena. I can’t stay here anymore knowing I’m not welcomed.”

Hen has a hand over her mouth and silent tears in her eyes, Chimney has his mouth slightly open in shock. Bobby looks as if he’s about to cry. But Eddie...Eddie looks absolutely furious. “So that’s it huh? You’re just going to run away? You’re so fucking selfish you know that? Did you even stop to think about how everyone else would feel? And what am I going to tell Chris? He already lost someone, you’re just hurting him more.”

At the mention of Chris, Buck instantly has tears running down his face. “Fuck you, Diaz” he mutters. “What was that? Speak up!” 

“I said fuck you Diaz. FUCK YOU!” Buck yells at Eddie, his voice cracking at the end. “How dare you use Chris like that. You know I would never leave him. Never purposely hurt him. And it’s not like I’m there now anyways because YOU won’t let me see him. You don’t know what these last few months of been like. I’ve been so fucking alone. Even when we started dating I was still alone. I’ve been through so much shit, and you want me to just ‘suck it up’?” Buck starts to walk closer with every word, getting in Eddie's face. “You think I’m exhausting? Then why the fuck would you date me? Yet alone why would you be friends with me if I was so fucking exhausting? Please explain that to me! I’m so done, with all of you, treating me like shit. You can’t tell me that I’m being selfish when just yesterday you were saying how it would be best if I left! I don’t deserve this. I don’t.”

By the time Buck was done with his rant his face was red, eyes wet and puffy. He turns away from everyone and quickly walks back to Lena. “I’m ready to go, I can’t be here anymore.” Nodding Lena leads Buck away, stopping by his locker to get his stuff, before getting in the car. The team were as still as statues. Hen starts to silently cry. Chimney has his head in his hand. Bobby goes into his office, slamming his door shut. And Eddie, he’s just frozen in his spot. His mind is racing. Buck wasn’t really going to leave them right? Leave him? Eddie hearts races as he realizes just how bad the teams fucked up. How bad he’s fucked up. 

Meanwhile outside, as soon as Buck and Lena got in the car, he instantly broke down. Lena pulled him to a hug when she realized he was starting to have a panic attack. After calming him down, she takes his face in her hands, gently wiping away the tears. She gives him a reassuring smile, which he returns slightly. “I’m so proud of you Buck. And I can’t wait to work with you.”  
Smiling, he replies, “I’m proud of me too. And thank you for everything you said. I’m excited to be working with you too.” Lena shifts back in her seat and grabs ahold of Bucks hand as they drive off, leaving the 118 and the people inside behind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it took me so long to update, Ive been super busy. Hope you all enjoy this chapter.  
> Also shoutout to my beta @missmeagan666

It’s been almost a week since Buck transferred to the 136, working alongside Lena. While he missed his old team, he was really happy with his new one. He hasn’t spoken to his old team since he showed up to tell them the news. They’ve all tried to contact him, except for Eddie of course, trying to apologize but he ignores all of them. 

He also hasn’t spoken to Maddie, Athena or Carla about what happened. He wants to believe that they’d take his side, but what if they don’t? What if they agree with the team and think that he’s selfish for leaving. Shaking the thought from his head, Buck sits up in his bed, checking the time. 

He had about two hours until he had to be at work, and since the station is a bit further now he has to leave a little earlier. Sighing he gets out of bed and gets ready for work. By the time he’s done and out the door he has about an hour so he decides to stop and get some food on the way. 

Bucks stops at this cute little café that’s on the way. He orders a coffee and a muffin before waiting off to the side. He’s too busy on his phone waiting, that he doesn’t notice someone standing in front of him. The person clears their throat and when Buck looks up, he’s face to face with Eddie. 

“Hey, Buck.” Buck slightly glares back and crosses his arms. “What do you want Diaz? And it’s Evan or Buckley to you, only friends and family can call me Buck.” 

Sighing, Eddie looks down at his hands slightly before continuing. 

“I was just walking by and saw you, wanted to see how you were doing.” 

Buck almost laughs at that. “Really? You really expect me to believe that? Why are you acting like you care.” Eddie frowns slightly. “I do care Buc- I mean, Evan. I care. And I know I haven’t been showing it lately but please let me make it up to you.”

Buck’s name is called for him to get his order and Eddie follows him. Eddie continues to follow him as he walks out the door. He touches Buck on the arm to get him to stop walking. Buck turns around and glares at Eddie. “Please Evan, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Bucks' face softens. “Oh Eddie.” He leans in so his mouth is directly beside Eddie's ear. “You’re going to have to try harder than that if you really want me to forgive you baby.” With that Buck walks away, leaving Eddie looking distraught and slightly heartbroken. 

When Buck gets to work, he runs over to Lena to tell him about his encounter with Eddie at the café. “He really said that, thinking that that’d fix everything?” Buck laughs “My thoughts exactly. I told him he was going to have to try harder than that. All of them will of course but especially Eddie and Bobby.”

Lena nods understandingly. “So have you told the others yet?”

“No, but I'm getting around to it. I invited them all over for lunch on Saturday.”

“Do you want me there with you? I won’t mind.”

“I would really appreciate that. Are you sure though? I don’t want to interrupt any plans you may have.”

“Buck, if I were busy I wouldn’t have offered. Now go get clocked in before you’re late.”

——-

The rest of the week comes and goes, and before Buck knows it, it’s Saturday. He’s busy rushing around the house cleaning and making sure he has all the ingredients for his dish that he plans on making. He was going to make lasagna, because why not. Just as he put the lasagna in the oven his door opened. 

Originally only two people had a key to his place, Maddie and Eddie. But Maddie never really uses hers and Eddie hasn’t come by since the lawsuit had started. After leaving, the 118 he decided to give a key to Lena, who was at his door, holding up a bottle of wine and a six pack. 

“Thought we could have this for today. Lord knows he needs it.” Buck chuckles and tells her to put them both in the fridge and to start helping him plate the table. 

“Are you nervous?” 

“A little bit. I know I don’t really have a reason to, and I try telling myself that, but still it doesn’t seem to work.” 

“It’s okay to be nervous. That’s why I’m here, to help you.”

Buck quickly pulls Lena into a tight hug. “Thank you so much.” Lena hugs back just as tight. Just as they go to separate, there’s a knock through the door. Looking through the peephole, Buck sees it’s Maddie, Athena, and Carla. He quickly lets them in and greets them all. 

Lunch goes smoothly. Everyone’s catching up, laughing and talking, enjoying food. Buck almost completely forgot why he had invited them all over until Maddie asked a question. “So how is work Buck?”

“That’s exactly why I invited you all over.” Buck sighs and runs his hands over his face. “Buck, honey, what’s going on?” Athena asked, placing a hand on his knee.

“Okay, once I start please don’t interrupt okay!” They all nod in agreement. “I left the 118. It wasn’t the same after the lawsuit. I don’t know what they all told you. But it’s been absolutely hell for me. 

Bobby won’t let me on calls, and treats me like a damn maid, making me clean everything. Chimney and Hen, completely ignore me. I can’t eat with them because they all glare at me and whisper shit about me. They don’t invite me out anymore. And Eddie,-” Buck chokes up a bit before he continues. 

“Eddie is probably the worst. As you all know we started dating not long after the tsunami. Ever since I dropped the lawsuit he’s been treating me the worst. He talks shit about me right in my face, knowing I can hear him. He’ll purposely shove into me. He keeps complaining about how I’m not there for Chris but then won’t let me see him. 

And- and the day before I decided to leave he cornered me in the locker room and pushed me against the wall, telling me that no ones going to forgive me just because I made them food when Bobby was too tired. Saying that it’d just be better if I left since no one wants me there. But then turns around and calls me selfish when I tell them all I was leaving the next day.”

By the time Buck is done he has tears streaming down his face. Maddie, Athena, and Carla all look equally pissed. Maddie was the first to speak up. 

“Chim fucking lied to me. He told me everything was fine. When I see him I swear-” 

“Bobby too. I can’t believe he did that. I’m going to have a talk with him when I get home.”

Carla was quiet for a bit before speaking up. 

“That damn Diaz. How could he? He’s supposed to be your boyfriend and love you, not do this shit. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind when I see him on Monday to get Chris. And speaking of Chris, how about days that I have him that you’re free, we come visit you.”

Buck immediately perks up at this. “Really? You mean it?” Carla smiles softly. “Of course baby. That boy misses you and it’s clear you miss him too.”

Smiling, Buck quickly hugs Carla. Then he goes to hug Athena then Maddie. 

“Oh, before I forget, a few other things. Not bad I promise. As you’ve noticed Lena is here. She’s been helping me since I left, was actually by my side when I told them I was leaving and she cursed them all out. I transferred to her station. And I told off Eddie the other day when we bumped into each other. He tried to apologize but I told him he’d have to try harder.”

“I’m so proud of you baby bro, and thank you Lena for being by his side.” Lena shakes her head and smiles softly. 

“Buck, have you gone to the Chief about this? I feel like you should.” Athena says. 

“I’ve been thinking about it, but what if they lose their jobs? I don’t want to do that to them, especially Eddie because he has Chris to think about.” 

“You need to Buck. And if you’re scared that they could lose their jobs then just tell the Chief you don’t want them to lose their jobs, just give them a harsh punishment.”

Buck nods. “I guess that could work. Thank you guys for coming, and for actually listening to me.” 

All four women quickly get up and pull him into a tight hug as he starts to cry again, all of them whispering sweet reassurance in his ears. 

——-

After everyone left and the dishes were cleared, Buck lays down thinking about what to do. He thinks that telling the Chief is the best thing to do. He tells himself that in the morning he’ll call Chief, and that’s exactly what he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter  
> I take request on my tumblr:  
> @powerpuff-bubbles


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to give you all a new chapter, and that this chapter is shorter, I had writers block for a bit. I hope you all enjoy.

The team was upstairs, quietly eating a breakfast that Bobby had made when the Deputy Chief walked up the stairs, looking furious. 

“Captain Nash, you’re office! Now!” Without waiting for a reply, the Chief heads into his office, waiting for him to close the door and sit. The rest of the team watch through the windows, already knowing why she was here. 

“Captain Nash, do you know why I’m here?” Bobby goes to shake his head, but realizes there is no point in lying and nods. “Yes ma’am I do.”

The Chief shakes her head at this. “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m extremely disappointed in you, and your team. We’ve never had any problems with this station until now. Before I give you and the rest of your team your punishments, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

There’s a pregnant pause before Bobby speaks up. “I’m disappointed in myself too. I know my team is disappointed in themselves, based on the way they reacted after Buck left. And I’m not saying this because I want to lessen our punishments, but I will try everything in my power to get Buck’s forgiveness. I can’t speak for my team but I’m sure they’d say the same thing.” 

By the time Bobby was done talking, he had a few tears falling down his face. The Chief looked at him with a small frown on her face before shaking her head and getting up. “Come on, it’s time I let you all know your punishments.”

Nodding Bobby gets up as well and follows the Chief out to where the rest of the team is waiting. “So, I have spoken to your captain about your behavior towards Evan Buckley. And before anyone asks, no he did not come to be but someone else that witnessed it. So for you Captain Nash, you will be moved to another station. Wilson and Han, will also be moved to separate stations.”

“And Diaz-“ the Chief sighed before continuing, “You will be on probation and going to see a therapist because it’s also been brought to my attention that you’ve been street fighting and have put your hands on Buckley. Your punishments will last until you all have made up with Buckley or you all can feel exactly how he feels. It all starts tomorrow, I will email you, Captain Nash, with more information.”

With that the Chief left. Hen was the first to move. “I...I have to call Karen, to let her know what’s going on.” With that she got up and left. Chimney and Bobby said the same thing and got up and left. Eddie was the last one left. 

He didn’t know what to do. He would tell someone that he was pretty much being put on probation, but the only one he would want to talk to about this is Buck. God he really fucked up. What is he going to do? What is he going to tell Chris? 

————————————————————————

Buck was upstairs laying in his bed, not sleeping but just looking at nothing, when he heard a knock at his door. He chose to ignore it, letting it continue for a few more minutes. When it stopped he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, until he heard his door open. 

He immediately frozen, he knows it’s not Maddie or Lena, they both call or text before they show up. Leaving the last option to be Eddie. He hears him call out his name, and walks around. Everything goes quiet for a minute and for a second Buck thinks he left. Then he hears him coming up the stairs. 

“Buck? Are you up?” Buck stays quiet, he feels the bed dip a bit. He bites his lip, trying not to cry. “Buck I know you’re up. And I understand you don’t want to talk to me but I need you to hear this.”

There’s a pause before he continues. “I’m so sorry Buck. You didn’t deserve the way we treated you, the way I treated you. I am? was? your boyfriend? I was supposed to be there for you, and I let you down. I-I’m so sorry baby. I’ve uh...I’ve been put on probation and being sent to therapy. I’m actually glad because I want to get better. Not just for me but for you and Chris. You both deserve better.”

When he was finished, neither of them said anything. Buck let everything he said set it. Eddie sighed and placed a soft kiss on Bucks head, letting a few tears fall before getting up. Right as he gets up, he feels a hand around his wrist. He turns to see Buck looking at, a few tears falling down his face. 

“Did you mean it? Everything you just said, do you really mean it?” Buck asks, looking at him with pain in his eyes. Eddie gives him a silent nod.

“Can you...can you stay for a bit? Unless you have to get back to Chris. I just..I’ve missed you. I don’t forgive you for everything you’ve done and said but can you just hold me for right now?” Buck looks at him, silently hoping he’ll lay with him. 

“Are you sure?” Eddie gets a nod in response. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay, as long as you want. Chris is at Abuela’s for the weekend.” Buck scoots over a bit, making room for Eddie, who lays down beside him and hesitantly wraps his arm around his waist, pulling Buck into his chest. 

It’s quiet for a little bit, until Eddie hears Buck sniffling a bit, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly. “Buck? What’s wrong?” He shakes his head as Eddie pulls him closer.

“Talk to me, please.” Buck lets out a sob. “Please...please don’t hurt me like that again. I can’t do it. I know I hurt you guys with the lawsuit but I’m so sorry. I missed you guys. I missed you. I have nothing without you guys. Please don’t leave me.” 

Buck continues to sob and ramble on as Eddie holds him, whispering assurances into his ears, cradling his head. “I won’t leave, I promise. I’m sorry too, you don’t need to apologize. I won’t hurt you like this again, not intentionally. I love you so much.”

By the time Buck stops crying, he’s exhausted and barely awake. “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

“Of course. I’m not leaving unless you want me too.”

“You know we still have a lot to talk about right? And that I still don’t completely forgive you?”

“I know, and we can talk tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready. But for now, go to sleep, you’re tired.” 

Buck nods and immediately falls asleep in Eddie's arms. Meanwhile Eddie is still awake, thinking. How will he ever make Buck trust him again? How can he fix all this mess he’s created? 

Sighing, Eddie places one last kiss to Buck’s head before closing his eyes as well, unsure of what to expect the next morning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve updated. I’ll try to update again soon, as well as post some new work. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

When Buck wakes up the next morning, it takes a second for him to recall the events that had happened the previous night. Sighing, he rolled over, and to his surprise the bed was empty. Almost immediately he starts to tear up. Curling up under the covers in a ball, he thinks to himself. He shouldn’t have been so surprised to see the bed empty. He knew it was too good to be true. As Buck starts to cry at the thought of Eddie leaving him, he feels the bed dip under the weight of someone. 

Turning around he comes face to face with a concerned and worried looking Eddie. 

“Cariño, what’s wrong?” Eddie engulfs him in a hug. After what feels like forever, but was only a few minutes, Buck finally resides to sniffles, face buried in Eddie's chest.

“Do you want to talk now?” All he gets is a small shrug and a sigh. Buck pulls away and wipes his face before letting out a hollow chuckle. 

“It’s stupid. I’m sorry you had to see that.” Eddie makes a face which has Buck reeling into himself, immediately thinking he said something wrong. Eddie, of course, notices and is quick to fix it. 

“It’s not stupid. You’re emotions are not stupid, don’t ever think they are.” 

There was a brief pause before Buck spoke up. “It’s just...I thought you left. When I woke up, and you weren’t beside me, I assumed you left. And I started to think about how I could be so stupid to believe that you’d actually stay, to think that you actually still want me, after everything that’s happened.”

A few more tears begin to stream down his face and Eddie is quick to take his face in his hands and wipe them away. They stare at each other for a second before he leans in, placing a soft kiss on Buck’s lips. He pulls away, not far, but enough that Buck can look into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. I woke up a bit before you and thought it’d be nice to wake you up with a cup of coffee. I didn’t think about how it might have looked if you woke up before I came back upstairs, and considering the fact I was doing my best to stay quiet I can see how you thought I left.”

Buck search’s his eyes, trying to see if he’s lying, but all he can see are huge brown eyes filled with worry. He moves himself onto Eddie's lap, burying his face into the older man's neck. 

The two sit in silence for a while, Eddie running his fingers through Buck’s hair, playing with the curls. Eddie is the first to break the silence.

“I know that it’ll take a while for you to believe me, but I want you to know that I love you. I really am sorry for how I acted during the lawsuit and after you dropped it. I shouldn’t have told you that you’re exhausting, because it’s far from the truth. You’re an amazing man, Evan.”

By the end of his little speech, he could feel that his neck was wet with tears. Buck pulls back and gives him a tired, but at the same time energetic smile.

“I...I know you don’t really like it but can we go to couples therapy? I feel like it’ll help us a lot. I don’t want something like this to happen again, where I do something that upsets you and you completely blow me off...” Buck says unsure.

What he didn’t expect was for Eddie to smile and nod. “Whatever it takes babe, for as long as it takes. I won’t stop until you fully trust me again, and even still I’ll prove to you that I’m staying, no matter what.”

By now, both of their eyes are a bit misty with unshed tears. Buck pulls Eddie down so that they’re both laying, tangled into each other’s arms. They lay in silence, Buck content with just listening to the sound of Eddie’s heart beat. 

————————————————————————

They must have fallen asleep because the next thing they know, they’re woken up by someone bursting into Buck’s apartment, calling out his names. 

Both men immediately sit up, coming face to face with Lena, who looks absolutely flustered and worried, phone clutched in hand.

“What have you been doing, I’ve been trying to call you all day and you haven’t answered. I was worried sick.” Lena says before striding over to Buck before wrapping him a hug. As she pulls away she notices the other man's presents. 

“What are you doing here Diaz?” 

With the way she looked at him, Eddie could have sworn that he would have been dead if looks could kill. He’s never been frightened of the female firefighter, but then again he’s never seen her get this defensive over someone. 

“I came over last night, wanted to talk to Buck and apologize for everything. He asked me to stay the night, which I agreed to.” 

“Did you forgive him that easily?” This time she was asking Buck, giving him a look full of concern

“No, but we’re going to work on it. He agreed to go to couples therapy with me. We still have a lot that needs to be resolved, but I really missed him, missed us.”

With that, Lena’s eyes soften, hugging Buck once more before looking back at Eddie.

“If you hurt him again, I will not hesitate to end you.” She got a meek nod in response. Satisfied with that, she smiles before talking to Buck.

“So since we were supposed to lunch today, but it’s clear you’re busy, I’m going to head out and we can reschedule for next week, okay?”

A few minutes go by while Buck and Lena reschedule their little lunch date, all while Eddie observes the two of them. He knew that the pair had gotten a bit close during all of this madness, but he didn’t realize how close. He smiles nevertheless, glad that Buck had at least one friend he could go to.

As Lena goes to leave back out, Eddie stops her, which surprises both her and Buck. 

“I just wanted to say thank you, for being there for Buck when we weren’t. I’m really glad he had a friend like you to be by his side throughout all of this. I can see how much you two care about each other.”

Both Lena and Buck smile at him, Lena giving a small nod and a goodbye before leaving. 

“So, Buck, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?”

“Can we just cuddle and watch movies, and maybe order some food. Maybe pizza.”

“Of course, anything you want, baby.”

————————————————————————

The pair spent the rest of the day wrapped in each other’s arms while watching movies on Buck’s laptop, pizza boxes beside them. They did a bit of light talking but for the most part they just enjoyed each other’s company. By the time they finished their third movie, Buck was starting to grow tired again. The past few days have been emotional and mentally draining. 

Eddie notices this and decides to start cleaning up. When he’s done he lays back with Buck who immediately latches on. It’s quiet for a minute before Buck speaks up.

“Do you...do you think I could see Chris soon? I talked to Carla a few days ago and she said she’d bring him the next time she has him and I’m off, but that hasn’t happened yet. I-I really miss him.” 

Buck sounded so unsure of himself and Eddie hates it because he knows it’s mainly his fault. So, of course, he’ll need to fix that. 

“You can see him whenever you want. Do you want to come over on Friday, have our usual movie night? Or, if you’re still not completely comfortable, you can have him for the day, you two can have some one on one time.”

“Movie night would be fun.” Buck gives him a small smile, which is interrupted by a yawn. The both of them laugh a bit at that, before Eddie insists they go back to sleep. 

“You’re tired cariño, you’ve had a rough few days, go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Pinky promise?” Buck lifts his finger up sleepily 

“Pinky promise.” Eddie wraps his finger around Buck’s before placing a slight kiss on it, then wrapping his arms around the younger man, watching as he falls asleep in his arms.


End file.
